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Waiting for a transplant Lives lost waiting Recipient of a transplant Giving the gift of life

Paul Kirsop is 31 and lives with his partner Ruth and two daughters - Jennifer aged 6 and Emma aged 5. Paul is in desperate need of a double lung transplant and has been on the waiting list for 14 months.

I was born on the 10th of February 1978. At the age of 3, I was diagnosed with a very rare blood disorder - Bruton Type Hypo Gamma Globulineamia - which means my immunoglobulin levels are low and therefore I am unable to fight infections. During my school life I was fit and healthy; I managed to play sports and was on the school football team and also played for Redby CA boys football team. I also enjoyed Badminton and was runner up in the national finals.

About 4 years ago I started to get one chest infection after another which led to my lungs being scarred and damaged. Then 2 years ago I went to my doctor with yet another chest infection and he looked at the x-ray he turned around and said my only hope was a double lung transplant! I was gobsmacked; I had expected him to give me some antibiotics and I would be fine in two weeks or so. I was sent home with oxygen and then waited 3 months to be assessed for a transplant, after which I was put on the list. I have now been on the waiting list for 14 months and during that time I have had 2 false alarms, which are calls that for some reason or another were unable to go ahead.

The first call came when I was relaxing in the garden. My partner Ruth and my 2 daughters had gone to Durham for the day. When my phone rang and it was a private number my heart started racing. My transplant coordinator asked me if I was fit and well as there was the possibility they had some lungs for me and could I come to The Freeman hospital. My heart was racing and I was shaking uncontrollably.

I rang Ruth and told her to get a taxi to the hospital, and then I phoned my mam to come to the hospital with me and my brother Steve who was in Gran Canaria on holiday. He burst into tears; he felt so helpless being so far away. When we arrived at the Freeman we were told the lungs were not good enough for transplant. I felt devastated that I had waited for this so long and prepared myself, in my mind, for surgery. Thoughts race through your mind and I had visions of me having a normal life, with Ruth and my girls. I was also a bit relieved as the thought of having such surgery is very daunting. But I know if I don't have surgery I will die.

The next day was Sunday when my phone rang and private number came up. I thought “they will be just making sure I am ok after yesterday”. I was so wrong! The coordinator said “we have some lungs for you but you have to get here fast.” My mam was already on her way over and I rang my brother again. My daughters were so upset, we calmed them down, and I got my bag, sat down and waited for the Ambulance. About 20 minutes later the coordinator rang again and said the lungs were no good. I felt devastated; my heart sank and I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t in front of my girls. I had convinced myself the second call would be it! I felt empty, numb, sad and worn out.

Being on the transplant list is a mass of emotions; what if the lungs don’t work? What if I die during the operation? What effect will this have on my girls, losing their daddy? They don’t know how sick I am; how do you tell a 6 and 5 year old there dad is dying or the risks of transplant? "When will you be better daddy?" they ask. The truth is, I don’t know.

There are the days I want the call now - to hell with the risks I can not live like this want my chance of a normal life! I want to see my daughters grow up and walk them down the aisle. At the back of my mind the thought is always there...what if I never get the call? How long have I got left, 1 year 2 years or even 3 years? My mind plays tricks on me when I’m sitting watching TV or reading a book; for a little while I forget I’m sick, but then I have coughing fit and its back to reality. Without someone passing away and giving me the best gift anyone could ever give, the gift of life, I will still be stuck here, left waiting for that call.

Ruth and I have being together for 9 years now and being on the transplant list is a massive strain on any relationship, but we always work things out. It's hard for her to see me like this, as when we first met I was fit and healthy, working as a plasterer. Now she see's me struggle up the stairs and on a bad day helps me get dressed, but hopefully one day someone will kindly do the selfless act of donating there organs and I will be the lucky recipient, so I can play with my daughters and live life to max.